I immediately told him we could not talk I was not going to be the other woman. That was a trait of the past relationship I left.
It sounds like you tend to date unavailable men.
CWarrior- I am glad you pointed this out. I guess I should have been more clear in that statement. I was in a 17 year off and on R with what I thought was my HS Sweetheart. Very not true. That R was very toxic. He had at least 5 Affairs over the years and he always came crawling back and I allowed myself to be the OP each time instead of making him end the other R first. Yes he was usually "an unavailable man" however this was our dynamic for many years. Finally he had the last A 5 years ago and I walked away for good. I have not been the OP in anyone else's R. It was just the dynamic I allowed for way to many years in the past. Lesson, I thought, learned. That was why I tried to set that boundary right away with this guy.
I clearly had trouble adhering to it.
In the past when I was in IC this however was a topic that was discussed and I shied away from. I wonder if it is a FOO thing. My father was an alcoholic and clearly very emotionally unavailable also. I can not remember one time he attended anything for school or participated really in any way of our lives. Fortunately after they divorced my dad was a brand new person. It was like day and night. I believe my parents relationship was also very very toxic and co-dependent. Apple did not fall far from the tree......
