I've read it and am re-reading it now. DB on ! I did disappear. I felt I had gone dark, GAL and detached. Then this bike ride, dinner and text messages thing shook me and I was like "what!" And I failed to take it slow and let her lead and I didn't stay on MY path. I'm back on the horse and focused Thx NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
I've read it and am re-reading it now. DB on ! I did disappear. I felt I had gone dark, GAL and detached. Then this bike ride, dinner and text messages thing shook me and I was like "what!" And I failed to take it slow and let her lead and I didn't stay on MY path. I'm back on the horse and focused Thx NJ
NJ! I like this post! Very self aware. Way to go.
Onward and upward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
so new paperwork keeps coming in heading closer and closer to divorce. The appraisal on the house which I would like to buy her out of and our pension appraisal. I stayed the course and just sent my checks in to cover my half the cost and made no fuss.
If anyone out there has any advice or words on how you if a divorce did happen kept your chin up through signing the papers. Or if it didn't happen but came close. As far as LTR and GAL it should be like "no big deal" and lets get this over with so I can officially move on.
[censored] but we had to speak to a therapist about our 8 yo son and his emotions. We have not told the kids but have just said Mommy and Daddy will make the best decision for everyone. Thats her line. The 8 yo is very smart and very empathetic. He does not like that they are with me only 3 day and with mommy 4 and I'm alone in the house and Mommy has grandma and pop pop. I want to be like WTF are you thinking with not wanting to work on [censored] and how this will affect them. But I keep my chin up and be the best I can for them and me.
Thats all. Any words would be great \
Thx NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
NJ, I have to admit, reading your posts is painful. I think you have to distinct sides to you. A logistical side that is pragmatic and knows what needs to be done. And a romantic side of you that thinks that by being nice, being sweet, by saying and doing the right things she will magically change her mind.
The time for romanticism is over. I am really starting to think that the poster that said her recent "interest" in putting the family back together was more about what was going on with whomever else is in her life, than actually wanting to try to get back together. That's why she seized on something minor (how you corrected one of the kids) and blew it up into her reason for pulling the plug. That is why that was confusing to you, because it didn't make sense.
I know you are reluctantly moving toward D, but I think that is the romantic side of you. So let me asked the logistical side of you a question, try to keep romanticism out of it: Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No Steve I don't want to be with someone that does not want to be with me. I want to give my love to someone that deserves it. I also fight with the thought of disappointing my children and making them cry and having to split time and move from house to house. I didn't grow up that way and am afraid of what it will do to them.
I know what I need to continue to do but the mind wanders and the thoughts come out here.
Thx NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Your kids cannot have the life back that they have had -- they can't. Your W's actions have removed that as a possibility. Seeing you stand up for yourself and continuing to love and support them is a great example to set.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you wanted but you can still have a wonderful life, despite the change. I'm sure your kids won't suffer for learning that lesson.
How are my kids doing now? Honestly they are doing GREAT! Do they like going back and forth between houses? No. Do they like that their family traditions, like vacations together and restaurant meals as a family have been disrupted? No. But they do feel loved by both of us, they know that we are there for them, they have each other, and that is more than enough. Believe me it is.
You can own and address and pick up the pieces from your own shortcomings and bad decisions. You can't fix the mess your wife has wrought. Your best path forward is to get away from her right now. Drop the rope. That is your only chance of having her come back around. Make it worse in order to make it better, it's the shortest path.
The path of half-measures leads to prolonged limbo and agony.
Been a couple of days since reporting in. Very good weekend do my thing and being out and about (beach, boat and biking) with the boys. I've received texts from her about stuff and have taken my time answering her. No talk or energy towards her but she seems to be ramping up the want for contact. She's asked me about a bike rack for her car, what I think is the best options, brands, where did we go to the beach (we go every saturday) reporting in wo me asking or texting her about her weekend. Just weird. Does she think when the D is final we are going to be friends?
Or is it a sign and I should ignore and stay on the path of LRT and going dark to see if she is really being drawn in.
Attny's have let me know the house appraisal company will be calling to set up a date to come to the house. The pension appraisal is going on now so all of that is another step closer to signing papers
It is what it is but it is just interesting to see a jump in communication from her.
NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Does she think when the D is final we are going to be friends?
Boy do I recognize that. Ignore the bump in interest / temp checks.
Not sure there was an OM but if there was you could read my sitch. And re-read the previous post from LH! Lots of goodies in there!
Last edited by Mumin; 06/22/2009:30 PM.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
i'm back for a check in and update on my stich. The summer had been chugging along and actually flying by.Summer job has been great and working on the house and fun with the boys. Nothing new on paperwork. She still hasn't paid her half of the house and pension appraisal. 3 letter across 3 months have been sent to her atty as a reminder. i have called off my attny to file a motion and just let it sit. 1 it will cost more money and 2 if she wants a divorce she will move on it.
Lately she has been asking to join us at the beach on my day of the weekend, join us for bike rides and 2 weeks ago asked if she could could come camping with me and the boys. I said yes and she did. no questions were asked about sleeping arrangements and I packed only our large family tent. The day we left she texted me at work letting me know her and the boys were at the house already (i'm in the house she across town a bit at her parents) and asked if she could do anything to help pack. I told her she could pack the cooler with stuff bought in the fridge but everything else was ready.
I get home all is good the boys are excited and I go to jump in the shower and she had cleaned the bathroom and straightened up the bedroom. I noted it and thanked her and away we went. We get to the campground and we fall into our normal efficient roles of setting up. After the tent is set up she is in there w/ sleeping bags and stuff and askes if she should set it up as usual and I say sure. Normal is the the boys on one side and us on the other with sleeping bags laid out like a queen bed with sheets not in separate bags. We sleep both nights 1 foot from each other. We have not shared a bed in almost 2 years. There was a little hand holding and she put my hand on her side in the middle of the night.
There was even a couple of hugs and when we got home she helped totally unload all the gear and clean the truck. We finished 2 hours after getting home. There seemed no rush for her to get back to her parents house. That night she commented that it was an awesome weekend and I responded it was.
Beach day yesterday and she comes a bit after me and the boys but before friends and puts her chair right next to mine, not feet away or even a foot. Everyone had a great day. She also asked me if I would go into the city with her and be with her for some testing she needs to get done for her lung issue next Friday
This morning I get a text from her saying that she has fun with me and the boys but just to be clear she just wants to be friends. Yesterday she also brought up going camping again for Labor Day weekend as a 5 day weekend.
I didn't respond to the text this morning and just intend to let it lay. Thoughts? Advice?
2 boys 6 and 8 Together 12 years Married 9 in September Not sure she wants to work on marriage comment July 2018 Living seperately Since April 2019 Papers delivered last September
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Yo Jimmy that baker the ultimate cake maker. You have to end the family time sessions unless you want to remain in the friend zone until the new boy friend comes along. You can’t nice her back. She has to feel the loss of the family time for good in order to change her mind. Do not let her eat cake my friend.
