DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[LH19]

The systemic problem that he said that caused him to wander was his loneliness and belief that he could not find happiness with me.

You are taking him at his word. Words mean nothing.

We are co-habitating but we are not really talking - not connecting - and he absolutely does not make any efforts to outside of small talk.

You can't force him Blue. This is going to take months if not years to work itself out.

He has told me that even small talk is effort for him!

That's not a good sign.

So, from what I understand from him, he said he stepped out in the first place due to this 'no connection' with me, so I feel that to DB in some way re-enforces this. I mean, how can one DB and connect? Detaching and Connecting are the exact opposite!

You have to let him come to you.

Unless the outlier is that he is just lying to me.

Very likely.

I REALLY thought I had the strength to hang with the 'big boys' here and go the marathon. I just may not. I feel that something has to happen in my situation for a real crack at getting this R back on track.

This is known as "the illusion of action"

We can not just coast back into a relationship.

I agree. He needs to do the work.

I know he is not at the point of doing any work - I think just like May's H - he will get restless dealing with those same feelings and step out.

You can't control that Blue. You can control what happens if he does step out again.