DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[BlueSea]

Thank you Cadet! that is a treasure trove of great information! Really appreciate that you would take the time to share this here

May - thanks for your questions to Steve - I had some myself I was just about to ask, yours covered them and more....thanks for posting where your at, I am going to go to your thread and read your situation. I DEFINITELY am feeling that I am making this WAY too easy for him - I don't know what to do honestly (in addition to DB) I have a gut feeling that this is all moving in the wrong direction and that my situation will parallel yours.

If you can answer a few q's: Did he say that this OW was not important? that it was not her but the marriage that was the problem?

The systemic problem that he said that caused him to wander was his loneliness and belief that he could not find happiness with me. We are co-habitating but we are not really talking - not connecting - and he absolutely does not make any efforts to outside of small talk. He has told me that even small talk is effort for him! So, from what I understand from him, he said he stepped out in the first place due to this 'no connection' with me, so I feel that to DB in some way re-enforces this. I mean, how can one DB and connect? Detaching and Connecting are the exact opposite!

Unless the outlier is that he is just lying to me. Lying to stay in the house. I can definitely sense that all those threats to leave were just that, threats - he does seem to go right up to the line - he knows that in any conversation that is a back and forth of power there is a quiet moment that I am ready to just ask him to leave - he senses it and back pedals.

I REALLY thought I had the strength to hang with the 'big boys' here and go the marathon. I just may not. I feel that something has to happen in my situation for a real crack at getting this R back on track. We can not just coast back into a relationship. I know he is not at the point of doing any work - I think just like May's H - he will get restless dealing with those same feelings and step out. This feels like heading straight on into a car wreck at 100mph and not knowing what to do....

Thank you Steve for sharing more about your situation - it helps.