Food for thought: it's not a waste of 10 years, and I challenge you to change your mindset on that. If you learn and come out the other side a better person FOR YOURSELF, then it isn't wasted at all. You probably learned a whole lot during those 10 years - about yourself, about where you want to be better, and about what you will and will not tolerate.
Absolutely. I see so many LBS's say this, that their marriage was a waste of 5 or 10 or 20 or even 40 years. If it was such a waste then why did you stay in it that long? And why do you want your spouse back so badly? Because if the real truth be told, you enjoyed your marriage. And now it's over, but why call it a "waste" if you enjoyed it so much? Sure we all would have loved for our marriages to last longer, but for most of us our marriage had a beginning, a middle, and yes... an end. So see it for the great journey it was, and instead of lamenting the time spent on it, remember the great times with fondness while moving on to create new memories either alone or with someone else.
I've said this before but when my marriage ended, at the time I saw it as the end of my story. I would simply exist and persist, waiting for death's warm embrace. But.... then I started living life again. A very different life than before. And.... enjoying it. My roles changed, I was no longer husband, no longer father to small children (they grew up!) I shedded my codependency, found myself, grew, prospered. I came to realize marriage was NOT my story, it was simply a chapter in my story. When it ended, the page turned and a beautiful new chapter began.
What is the difference between me and people who are stuck being bitter, resentful, angry, confused, sad and/ or a number of other things after D? As Sam said, it's mindset. That's the not-so-secret secret to prospering after S and D. Change your mindset.
hmmmmm... I suppose a better term would be "such a loss of 10yr". Not meaning I threw those 10yr away but more that we both didn't put in the work to make it 20. That WE didn't have what it takes to work through this to other side and find that greater joy because we did.
I always thought we did but since I'm only recently getting a grip on my controlling tendencies and OCD issues. I always did ALL the cleaning, laundry and putting it away. Honestly I just really love doing laundry - I know what a freak I am. But, that says ---- I have to do it because I'm the only one that does it right. Why did it take getting my heart broke to really finally understand his frustration with me?
Either way I can't continue to dwell. It is what it is. It doesn't mean I won't move forward... it just means I'm still dealing with regret. Doesn't mean I'll stay that way forever.
