I guess what I'm trying to say is I accept the choices and actions that got me to my present state.
I'm already working toward a future that is different from what I imagined 1yr ago. It's going to be radically different but it is moving on.
And, by what I mean as a waste of 10yr is that this didn't have to end in D. I totally get his frustration and I totally see my mistakes. This was not beyond repair initially. But, I accept I do not control his choices.
I can move forward. I'm well educated and gainfully employed. I will still have a fantastic future. I've always been drawn to water but especially the ocean. Life on a boat for someone who hangs on to items from the past will be interesting. I'm not a hoarder but I still have my first babydoll, a beautiful wooden doll high chair mundo brought home when he was out of town when I was 5?, a lovely eskimo doll from Canada from my parents when they vaca there... even a pencil case from Cananda... I must have 7?. All that crap won't fit on a boat.. lol
I will always have regret that my M ended. No amount of therapy or reading will change that.
