What do I want, how long will I live like this, how can I work through telling people and starting the whole process of S. (I’m reading the posts you shared from chump lady.... wow. )
I’m overwhelmed again with anger and frustration. I need to figure out how to focus on what I can control.
These are the right questions, May.
When you answer them, deal with the reality of what is. Use clear and direct language for yourself about the facts of the situation.
Do you want to be married to a man who desires regular masturbation sessions on the phone with his mistress from the privacy of the basement in the house where he's raising his children?
Do you want an open marriage?
Do you want to tolerate an in-house separation?
Do you want to pretend you want some or all of these things long enough to get your contracting business up and running?
Do you want to share personal and financial information with your husband right now?
Do you want to share a bed with him? Meals with him? Do you want to receive affectionate touches from him - knowing the clear facts of the situation as they stand?
Do you want a sexual relationship with a man in a sexual relationship with someone else?
When you have your hands full with your H's business, you are neglecting a proper address to these questions. You might not know the answers to any of them right now, or for a good while yet. That's fine. Your husband doesn't get to answer these questions for you, nor does he get to rush your answer, or critique your answer, or get you to deal with any emotions he has about the answers, or lack of answers.
Care for yourself like a precious piece of fine china - because you are - and your anger is a sign that your boundaries are being breeched and action needs taking. Self-care first. Then boundaries. Then forgiveness - not towards your H but towards yourself (I think you told me this on my thread a long time ago, and I have been thinking about it ever since, and working on it a lot.)
