Today’s our wedding anniversary. Overall I’d say she’s being friendly over the past months. Still very limited affection, meaning I got a hug a week ago and a hug two weeks before that. I often think about reaching out to our mediator to just get something moving in some direction, but I know that would not be the right direction and that I need to stay patient. I think more about keeping the family together for the kids that for her at this point. I’m just so exhausted and i wonder if I can ever have the marriage i dreamed about with this woman.
I tried to buy an Anniversary card but that was a real struggle. I could go with a blank card but then i have to come up with something to write inside and my heart is struggling. I made dinner plans tonight because I figured it was the right thing to do; but is this really a celebration? It roughly marks the anniversary of an Her emotional affair From 4 years ago with the anniversary of marriage counseling soon to follow and her breakup months after, followed by the countless times I’ve been told we are getting divorced (which at this point hasn’t happened since February.
My home is basically a co-parenting situation with a friend. I didn’t sign up for that. I can’t make plans for the future because I have no idea what that future is and so large home maintenance projects continue to be deferred. I never give up on things. And with this I just keep grinding it out every day. I don’t feel like I have anyone to share my inner world with. Just keep grinding, and i hope to get to a place where she says she wants to stay married and we can move on.
