Scout's QLC journey #4

[Gerda]

Then he said “I love OW.”

I just cuddled him and said “That's so nice. You’re such a loving boy!”

You are a superhero. I could never have done that.

My kids are older though and when kids are older there is a risk of them internalizing a feeling of fault or craziness if they have feelings against their dad or an OP and no one is validating that. That's what happened to me as a teen. I am worried about my D11's lack of boundaries with her dad. Now that she is hitting puberty right when my former H is tying her in knots, this innocent and sweet girl is going through all kinds of rage, grief, anxiety that she didn't have before. I think that the needs for supporting and listening change as they get older and also with how bad the MLCer is as a parent. I try to not speak against my H but I am honest (without getting specific) if she asks questions, and something rthat KmL or someone told me about it being okay to teach my values very clearly gave me a lot of courage to do that. I want my D to understand what marriage and vows and faith mean, so I don't have to pretend that what H and OW did for the last six years was okay. On the other hand, I still haven't told her 90% of what happened or that I had cancer while they were doing that. I never told my kids that I had cancer, still haven't told them, because I don't want them to worry about losing me while they are going through so much loss.

None of this is age-appropriate to a 2-year old, you handled it like a superhero as I said, but something to reflect on when the time comes as he grows up, if he asks questions.