I wish he was just saying he wanted a D. It would be so much easier if he was the one packing his bags and walking out the door. He spews all this stuff about how he loves me, he will always love me (just not like that), he wants to take care of me for the rest of my life, he wants to mow the lawn and help me start my business and drive me around when I'm old and blind. I wish he would just stop. I guess I need to just walk away. It is so hurtful to hear these things from him, because I always believed that was all true... and also that he wasn't going to leave me for another woman. And I wish he had just walked away in January instead of going through all this rigamarole the last four months.
Dude, this. He doesn't want to shoulder the responsibility of his own decisions alone. This is total BS on his part. Like, is he saying all of this to alleviate his massive guilt for doing all of this? I am so sorry that you are going through this. If he cannot get it together, he should not have the privilege of continuing to be in your life to do those things - because that is a privilege! He needs to exist in the echo chamber of his own guilt and not continue to assuage it by saying this crap to you. It's hurtful, and doesn't benefit anyone. It is crazy making. He needs to sit with it, and live with it, and I don't know if he can do that when you're in the picture - and more importantly, it's not fair to you to have to put up with it. And fortunately, you don't have to put up with it unless you choose to. I know there are trappings/logistics and that is easier said than done, but that is the core of it.
(Sidebar: Also, rolling my eyes at AP saying she doesn't want to be the reason you D....uh yeah, because that's somehow worse than being a side piece?)
I am glad you come here for support and have also IRL friends for support and IC never hurts. Hugs to you, and I wish I could take you out for drinks.
