I'm very new to DBing, and not very good at detaching. But I'm also curious about how to balance detaching with my ultimate goal? It seems that Spiral's ultimate goal is for the wife to come back and rebuild the family. Family 2.0 but reusing all the original components... or am I missing something?
So now I'm curious at what point does one provide positive feedback to encourage desired actions. I'm not saying to respond with "love you too" or anything that forward. Obviously, don't want to pursue. Nevertheless, I also don't want my wife to ever think that I am now the one seeking/pursuing the divorce/separation. Accept it, yes. Get a life independent of her, certainly. Getting happy despite her being gone, to all outward appearances. But my goal is still ultimately reconciliation, because GAL alone is still a shadow of GAL with my WAS.
I guess I'm just thinking that if my WAS called tomorrow and said she would go with me to Michele's two-day intensive marriage coaching, wouldn't I say yes? (not that she knows anything about Michele or DB). The reason I'm using the last resort DB is because marriage coaching is not an option for my WAS. She says that she is done and this is not just another call for help. And I understand that asking for it, is pursuing. But if she starts to pursue, even a little, do I shut her down or simply play reluctant?
Not trying to hijack the thread, but just curious in Spiral's situation, because I will probably be there soon. If the wife is one that can't be alone and really just bounced from one man to the next, and now maybe having second thoughts about OM... well is there a point where you want her to know that the door is open? Let her bounce back and then get her to go with to marriage coaching?
It's just that sometimes I'm confused on DBing about where is the line between divorce busting versus moving-on.
