DS is back! I have missed you around these parts. Give us an update on your thread
Perfect advice, thank you Gerda.
I’m actually going to give X the benefit of the doubt about the soiled undies. I’m not certain that the daycare staff have informed him of my request to throw them out, so he might just not want to throw away clothing that I have purchased. The fact that he doesn’t put soiled clothing into a plastic bag is a biohazard though, so I think I’ll start sending S2’s wet bag in his backpack for that purpose.
Great point DnJ - I don’t want S2 to bear the burden of parental communication. Everything I do has to be in his best interest, as much as I personally dislike it.
No changes with X lately. I only see him for about ten seconds twice a week and we do not speak. Email and text communication when absolutely necessary is fit for purpose and has been business-like. He did oblige when I asked for a login code to an insurance account (for the settlement in May) so that was good. He received the divorce paperwork two weeks ago and I do wonder if that made an impact. If it has, I haven’t seen or heard about it.
I did have a talk with S2 about his behaviour. He has also been quite naughty at home when he’s usually very sunny and even-keeled, so it could be terrible twos or something more sinister. He kept telling me he felt sad so I then started spiralling that he was struggling to understand the divorce and having two households and that he was being emotionally damaged. Silly, but that’s how I felt at the time.
We have several talks about how it’s okay to be sad or angry. When you feel these emotions, you can ask for help, or a cuddle, or walk away, or take a deep breath. It’s not okay to hurt someone because of your emotions. I was strict about putting him in time out if he hit or bit me, and the lesson seems to have stuck. We had a rocky week or so, but he seems back to his cheerful, respectful self now.
The other night we were having a cuddle before he went to bed. We were talking about who we love. He had an exhaustive list - me, the cats, every member of my family, my step-family, his daycare friends and every teacher in the centre, his other friends. It wasn’t until I asked “what about dad?” that he said “I love dada.”
Then he said “I love OW.”
I just cuddled him and said “That's so nice. You’re such a loving boy!”
I recognise that he is at an age where he forms loving relationships with nearly everyone who comes into his life. I’m not threatened or upset by him loving OW. He wouldn’t say that unless she had made a positive impact on him. I am proud of his capacity to love and his ability to express it.
It is kind of sad that he had to be reminded to love his dad, though.
so I then started spiralling that he was struggling to understand the divorce and having two households and that he was being emotionally damaged. Silly, but that’s how I felt at the time.
