May, I am not going to be able to give any better advice than anyone who has posted before me. You are in such good hands here, so supported and so loved by us all. Protect that sweet heart of yours, that is the most important thing.
Is there any way that you could escape for a night or two? Get some thinking and processing time away from H and the kids? Some of my best thinking has been done when I was alone during our S. It allowed me to get out of ‘reactivity mode/fight or flight and into a space where my heart and inner intuition could have a louder voice. You really haven’t had that during the past few months and could probably use it now.
I just posted an update on my sitch and H wants to come back and work on us. I am sharing this as I read so many similarities between our H’s (the whole ‘we will make this decision TOGETHER’ s***’ is particular resonant), I wanted to share what I think may have shifted things for us. When we had the big D conversation last week and he truly, deeply understood that I was serious about taking the next step, and what that would mean for all of us personally, professionally and financially, it seemed to snap him out of fantasy land. That there would be no caking eating for either one of us and that the impact on all of us would be so so huge. I was calm and informed during our discussion, it wasn’t emotional for me, simply practical. I am not 100 percent sure, but I feel that the conversation popped his fantasy bubble once and for all.
I know you had a turnaround in your sitch when you started researching D in Jan, so maybe this is the next step for you. Only you can know what you need to do for you and your circumstance, but H’s indecision and cake eating has to end for your own sanity. Right now your H is in fantasy land and you can’t live with him there any longer. If he was sure of what he needs to do, he would have left already. Maybe it will take you leaving (emotionally at the very least) for him find his truest answer. And in ‘leaving’, whatever that looks like for you, at the very least you are protecting yourself.
