Do not take actions like that with expectations. Take the kisses and ILUs for what they are. You are overly attaching meaning to them. Do you think it will help or hurt your sitch to ask her to stop? Also, I see a hidden agenda in it: until she can do so and actually mean it.
First, you don't know that she doesn't actually mean it. You are surmising that based on how you feel. Second, that is not something you could ever be sure about. Say you say that, and she continues because she claims "she really means it". Do you trust that yet? Of course not.
I wouldn't be doing it with expectations. I just feel like everything still feels the same, and if nothing is changing we aren't growing and nothing will get better. I feel like SOMETHING between us has to change. As it is now she is back to interacting EXACTLY as if nothing is different and the last 30 days never happened. I will take your advice though and leave it alone.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Texan I am detecting some Nice Guy Syndrome tendencies from you. You might want to pick up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. At least google what Nice Guy Syndrome is.
I did read about it and even bought the book. After reading the description it doesn't sound like me at all. I am not one to walk on eggshells trying to avoid confrontation. I have been known to tap dance on land mines. In fact I often feel like I can be too, opinionated, and maybe too dominating or willful. I am not going to eat at a restaurant that I don't want to just to please someone else. I believe everyone should be contributing to the household, and if someone isn't and they are capable, then there IS going to be an argument. That said, I did buy the book and will give it a read, maybe there are some things I can learn from it.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Remember, doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. We like to say around here that doing nothing IS doing something. So when you feel you need to take action, default to DOING nothing.
We also say: When she wants to come back (recommit to the MR) you will know. When she doesn't, you will be confused. Give her some time. Let her figure things out.
I hear you. This is why I posted. I need to hear these things. I know I am not being patient, I know I am wanting things to change so bad that I don't even care if it changes for the better or the worse, as long as it changes. I know you like to say we have to get to the point that if we caught our wife in an orgy it wouldn't make us mad. If that happened to me I would be relieved. I would view it as a "Get out of sh***y M Free" card. Make no mistake, I love my wife, but I do NOT want my OLD wife/marriage/life/relationship back. I want a new one, if it's with the same woman great, if it requires a new woman great, but what I had was not good and this feeling of slipping back into the old routines is the opposite of where I want to go. I am not sure if that makes sense or if it is a typical response but that is how I feel.
