DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[SteveLW]

Bluesea, essentially what happened in 2005, was after my W's EA, when I confronted she immediately said she didn't want a D. She sent a NC email to the OM the next day. She then struggled for weeks with getting over her addiction to the EA. The OM only responded to her one time essentially telling her that that he didn't want to create anymore problems for her which is why he was not responding.

For my part, I just went back to business as normal.The changes I made were clearly just to get her back. And while I didn't just revert to my old self over night, it was a slow burn back to where I had been prior to the discovery of the EA. I had made no real changes. And therefore:

Our MR 1.0 continued and we never moved on to MR 2.0. We still had a SSM. I still was relying on her to make me happy. This caused my resentment to start building up again almost immediately. I'd say that things were pretty good for about 3-4 years, and then by year 5 my resentment level was once again to the point where I was behaving poorly, being selfish, consumed with how I could get what I wanted/needed while punishing her by not giving her what she wanted/needed.

In other words, we put no work into ourselves or our MR.

It took 12 years, but eventually BD#2 happened. And it was much worse the second time.