Thank you Alison. We could all take something away from that and apply it to our sitch's.
Originally Posted by may22
I know my H feels like my boundaries are threats, mostly because he views me as an obstacle to getting all the cake he can stuff in his mouth. He can't SEE me, I think. He feels guilt about hurting me, but I just don't know how much of that is truly feeling badly about hurting someone he loves and how much of it is just feeling bad, he doesn't want to stop what he's doing, so please stop making me feel guilty by being happy, please.
I'm glad you can see this. His need to want you to be OK with everything is really about admonishing him of his guilt. It's kind of like being absolved through confession. And I think this is partly because of the way you are. I can't remember when the affair came to light, but I bet, after the initial shock you listened intently and you were warm, understanding and compassionate. He learned after that first time he could go to you when he was feeling bad and your words would make the guilt go away. To him you are not a person with feelings and needs. May, you are his priest and his therapist all rolled into one.
