I might be able to offer some perspective on the 'affection'. This is just my experience so take or leave ...
In the first year post BD, even though I was an 'alien' and the architect of all his misery my H use to do 'nice' things for me. He bought me a valentines present (a chocolate rose) that he put under my pillow, he would clean my car and he even put it in to be serviced, he spent nearly Ł500 on my birthday present (and then sent me text after text asking me if I liked it), I would come home and things would be done (lawn mowed, trees cut back) and he would offer to give me lifts, he got me a mothers day present and gave the kids money to take me to lunch. Whilst he was either silent or angry in person, his messages would be friendly "Hi! how are the kids?" or "I saw blah and thought it might be nice for D10". This is now long gone. His messages are abrupt and he is a lot more easily triggered. In retrospect, and with some understanding of what was happening in the background (in his life) I now know that this had nothing to do with me. He was trying to keep me in my place. Sitting waiting, not because he wanted me back, but because he wanted the option to come back.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I think that he probably wants me pining for him despite the fact that he has moved on. He made several patronizing remarks to me today that made me feel that way. “I hope you’ll still be able to have a nice day today” and “I want to start to prepare you for things that will be hard for you”.
No, I don't think he wants you pining for him. I think he just wants you to stay put. It's a property thing. The patronizing remarks are to make you feel of less worth, like you can't handle what's going on because you're weak. Again, it's a way of keeping you in your place.
Hope, I don't think your H is a bad guy. I think he is just trying to find his way and do what he thinks will make him happy. Selfish yes, insensitive definitely. But he is trying to do what he feels will hurt you the least. What he doesn't know is that everything is going to hurt you right now.
Ask yourself this ... would you prefer he didn't tell you?
