Dear may—I just want to quickly jump in to say try not to spend too much energy on regretting that R talk. I really doubt it pushed H in this direction. It seems like he was already halfway there and just not being honest with himself or you. And I know you know this, but if a little realness from you could push him right back into the arms of AP (who, yes, sounds like a total fantasy, kind of like how puppies are cute but turn out to be a ton of work), well, he is so not worthy of you right now.
Maybe my H and your H can get a place together, if they ever leave, start up that Real World MLC. Maybe too soon for that joke—if so, sorry! I just empathize so much with your frustration that your H is declaring it’s his house too, and with your conviction that you will not leave.
