Moving On

[may22]

May, oh boy, I’m reeling from what I’ve read tonight. I’m so sorry that he’s done this again. You deserve so much better. I want to write a proper reply but it’s midnight here. H is feeling the consequences of his choice to end the affair, and the prospect that he’s lost AP forever. He now needs to experience the other side: the consequences of leaving you and all that that entails. Not continue to have this pseudo-family life and home-comforts. I feel like I would be insistent on him leaving, physically removing himself from the family home, living with the reality and enormity of his choices. It’s for your health as well. Keep strong May. Your R may feel like it is back where it was in Jan , but you as a person have grown since then and you are better equipped to deal with this than you may believe. Sending hugs xx

Thanks Pommy... been thinking of you and all the similarities in our sitches. I think you're totally right. Though I think I need to let him go no matter what and not think about if he may or may not come back after this. I can't have any scent of doing it in hopes he comes back, both for myself and for him. Hoping I can get him out of the house and not just to the basement. Every time we've talked about it so far, he goes immediately into "this is my house too" and it gets really fiery really fast. I wish he would want to get an apartment like all these other bozos!

In regards to him feeling you are giving him an ultimatum that you can’t be friends if you separate under these conditions, let’s roll back the clock. If you met this guy again when you were young and single and these were his conditions what would your answer be? I suspect you would be laughing as you ran out the door. How and why would it be different now? Don’t you deserve MORE respect now? How would you advise your daughters if they came to you for advice in these scenarios.

Hi HaWho, thanks for stopping by... Yes, yes, and yes. The kids and house and all the trappings of M just makes it so complicated. I don't feel I can exactly run laughing out the door. I also am NOT LEAVING my own house or my own children. Which makes it kind of sticky.

As for him living in the basement and playing Mr. Proper Family guy, think carefully here. He will be having sex with her and then having pancakes with you all in the AM. By the way, my ex came to me and said he wanted to “find himself” by getting an apartment, staying there on Friday and Saturday nights but coming home before the kids woke. He insisted he was not cheating but was basically asking to start dating and have an open marriage and was shocked when I said no in the same instant he asked. They are so lost they have no sense of their entitlement. He lived at home for 4 years after that, moved into the spare room and proceeded to live like a teenager. It was awful to live through. Please picture what you are agreeing to as he’ll be talking and texting her all the time for your house. How will you be practicing self care and healing through all this?

I know! All of this is why I do NOT WANT HIM LIVING IN THE HOUSE. I don't understand why he doesn't get this part. I know he partially thinks I don't really love him, I just want him for his trappings (H, father of kids, paycheck) so even though I'm mad now I'll get over it and be fine and best friends again soon. Oh, and I would really like AP if only I knew her. bahahahaha. I guess if it gets there, I'll figure out the finances and file for D. The D and the financial impact that will have on both of us and our kids is another source of real anger for me that I need to just suck up and deal with, I guess.