Do I leave the house?

[Traveler]

Hi Shane,

She's done for now. That means you're past the phase of the trial where you argue for the defense. It's time to listen, understand, and validate her decision. Do some 180s (good behavior). Her interest may pique!

I have in fact done quite a bit of changing during my involuntary sabbatical, but those changes were somewhat blurred during my readjustment to the family and the subsequent virus quarantine stress.

What changes did you try but fail to make?

Last week, my wife managed to engage me in a round of long text messages where I made the mistake again of explaining my defenses.

Like your defense for why your changes didn't stick?

But at the beginning of the investigation I was purposefully vague when the govt called to ask questions. If you happen to follow politics, its very similar to what they did to General Flynn.

You broke the law, but your wife faced the consequences of becoming a single mom for a year, without having the perks of someone to snuggle or sleep with. Were you two facing issues before you became incarcerated? Was she so incredible as to wait for you, or is it possible she started an affair while you were in prison?

That sent her into a frenzy. She had this all figured out

Staying is usually right. Her being in a frenzy is an opportunity to validate.

The argument then dissolved into a history of why I caused all of this. At which point, I realized my mistake and stated that if she wanted to rehash the past then fine let's do that with a therapist coach. And then I ungracefully made my escape.

Yes, if you argued with her, you made a mistake. "No arguing" is a great 180 to make. Disengaging was a good choice. Next time, try to listen and validate for a bit before you have to disengage.

Even though I don't think she will find happiness through divorce, should I let her pursue it and play the long game to win her back later.

Yes. You can't stop her (and shouldn't try). We usually advocate cooperating but not doing the legwork.