I know. I saw your update and my stomach dropped because at that point I knew my suspicions about this trip were right and I was taken aback by the similarity of your update. I’m sorry that you find yourself here too. You sound strong!
The main difference I see in our two sitches is the current state of the relationship between us and our Hs. I think mine tends to mirror me to an extent, and then to lean in and be extra warm and extra friendly and close seeming when he feels me pull away, or when he is feeling guilty. It’s been very confusing for me this entire time, but we know what they say around here about what it means (or rather does not mean) if the LBS feels confused...
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I responded that I already figured that but thanks for finally being honest about at least part of this. Then he basically tried to preemptively stonewall me by saying that we need to talk when he’s back on Tuesday. I asked that he just text me whatever it is he feels we need to talk about it, because it’s more productive for me to process on my own before we try to talk. He refused and said “you can handle waiting”. It’s crazy how quickly he almost gets punitive with me when he knows he’s being a sh**, as I’d it’s me that’s done something wrong.
When you said "I already figured that" what were your intentions? I only ask because it sounds a little passive aggressive. Like an accusation "I knew you were lying all along.". It doesn't matter really - it is just an observation
Yes, when I said this it was to say I already knew that. My intention (while not pure of heart) wasn’t so much to point out that he was obviously lying, but to make it clear that he isn’t laying on some big reveal to me that he seems to think he is. I don’t have a good reason for it, but it felt good.
I got a bit more out of him, he wants to talk to me in person about how this relates to D4. We’ve had conversations in the past about how we would approach introducing hypothetical significant others. I have very strong feelings about this and the way it should be handled. He thinks waiting 6 months to see if the relationship gets serious is enough time. (I actually don’t agree and think it’s in the best interest of children to wait a year, because it’s often the turning point of relationships). He texted to tell me that he likes the person he’s seeing and that he’d like this to be the start of the 6 month waiting period.
I’m conflicted here and I need some advice; I’m inclined to want to fight this and push for longer because that is truly what I believe is right. H and I both grew up with single parents and were dragged through the many relationships of our parents along the way. I refuse to let that happen to my daughter. On the other hand, I’m also inclined to just f***ing let go and say “ok, you’ve got it, consider this notification of the waiting period starting. Have a great day”
It’s tough because this is one of of my major values around parenting that I feel extremely strongly about. Maybe to the point that I’m being irrational about it? I honestly don’t know. That combined with the fact that I really do want to let go, let him go and not stand in his way even a tiny bit, makes this a tough choice for me. Thoughts?
