Persistent Endurance (Part 8)

[curtis7]

Hi Curtis,

WW came over and fed the horses.
...
She said there’s nothing, that she hasn’t talked to BFFs about anything.

I see. So, as of 3 days ago, she's still lying to you.

CW, yep that's right. She's still ambivalent and defiant.

She said she doesn’t know and left for an appointment.

How do you know where she went?

Well considering she was gone for an hour and a half and returned home with a hole drilled in her tooth and filling. I'm pretty sure she wasn't with OM3.

She never ever stopped being wayward - ever !. You just try and convince yourself otherwise.

She has gone through spurts of NC; however, I agree her thoughts and actions prove she has not stopped WW.

Again, read whats Sandi writes about genuine remorse and being humble.. This IS NOT remorse - Hence still wayward - arghh

Many have said, WW don't snap back. OM3 is a good man in her eyes. She's not going to be remorseful and humble until the fog clears and she lets go of the addiction. I don't know how long that could take, but NC is the first step to that ever being possible.

You really are intent on pain or are in la la land - like really - this is where you now stop posting for 4 weeks knowing the 2x4 will be coming your way - to then post again in July, posting a similar story again - and the horse will still be there as a lure to keep the WW around- God bless the horse..

You may be right that I may not post for a while which may indicate a return to WW, her extending an olive branch for the MR, or things remaining the same. Time will tell.

H: “Don't bother coming back.”
That’s all you needed to say.

Scout, succinct would have done it. She's not back for me. She's back either out of fear of telling the kids about her WW and/or losing her horse and lifestyle that is secure and comfortable.

Curtis, you are caught in a vortex...every time your sitch starts to come out of it, it gets sucked back in.

Steve, the vortex is a great way to put it. Like being on a roller coaster with a tractor beam.

First, the basis of all of this is a lack of respect. Your severely WW has no respect for you. NONE. All she has is a fear of losing what she has. She wants her cake and eat it too.

You say action over words, but your update is full of taking her at her word. It really is sad. And then you choose words over action. Setting all of her stuff out to come get: actions = good. Talking for hours in the garage after she feigns remorse: words = bad. You really should look up hoosjim's threads. When his WW relapsed he took some severe steps. Stuck to them. Made her squirm for weeks. And her resolve to keep her family overcame all of the obstacles he had set in front of her. You started to take that action, then folded like a cheap suit. Imagine, telling her you didn't want to hear it, that the time for words was over. And then making her leave. Instead you let her stay, and within hours she is showing you more disrespect.

You are right, I relented and gave in too easily. D5 witnessed some of that discussion in the driveway and I couldn't bring myself to send WW away. Even if D5 weren't there I still probably would have let your stay out of hope that she meant it this time. I agree with you and see zero respect. Life is full of should haves, I can't go back and change the way I responded and reacted. I'm much stronger than a year ago, if she wants to walkout or go back to him, I know I'll be fine, better than fine.

You admit she made it 5 weeks no contact. Why? Because she knew she was going to reestablish it once you let your guard down again. There is nothing she is doing to suggest that this is not the case again. I bet she's even told OM3 "we have to wait for this to all blow over again".

That is her internal battle. I've gotten stronger each time as we move closer to D. She knows the consequence of continued infidelity. I have made it clear that she will go this far and no farther.

One reason I posted this update was that I was hoping for some advice on whether to continue to be patient since her clock has reset or to lead her towards what I feel moves me closer to my goals...MR plan, MC, her moving her stuff out of the affair house, physical contact, etc. I don't know how to broach these topics and she seems content with limbo. I also don't want to pressure and be controlling while she is in A withdrawal. It's like a delicate balancing act. Thanks everyone for keeping up with me.