I agree with Gerda’s advice and suggestions. How stubborn has XH been lately? Do you think an app might help?
I’m happy to hear you embraced no contact and are willing to do the right thing for S2. I believe a more personal involvement, as in direct conversation or face to face, should be utilized to XH when discussion S2. You are correct, you are setting the precedent of communication for future issues as well.
When talking to XH, do something like Gerda’s example - just tell him what you did, it implies his compliance. I would not even bring up what he can do on his days. That opens the door for an argument, and I detracts from the implied compliance he needed you want him to adhere to.
The daycare providers recognizing S2 is having some troubled days and being unusually rough might be concerning. It does require follow up with S2. A nice talk to see what, if anything, is bothering him. There are lots of reasons for a boy, or girl, to play more aggressively. Depending on what is happening, will steer your actions and responses.
You are now directly in the loop with the daycare. Well done. Timely feedback is needed.
Originally Posted by scout12
I don't want to set a precedent that this lack of communication is okay in this parenting relationship. Or is this not important enough to warrant a conversation?
Very true. Lack of communication is not ok.
Couples who split and don’t talk, still communicate - usually through the kids, or pets, or something else. Children become the medium and conduit for communication that should never involve them. They don’t want the job or the messages they send, unwittingly or otherwise. And, like other third party communication, the messages gets garbled and jumbled. Purple monkey dishwasher.
I know you wisely realize this, and will prevent it. Just encouraging and assuring you are on the right path. Kids and parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual. A trip to the hospital, a flurry of activity, and poof you’re a parent. You’re handed a squiggling small life and sent on your way.
You are doing a fine job Mom.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
