I am sorry for all that you are going through but I am glad that despite it you feel that you are "OK". I haven't been on the boards much lately either. I am not sure why. Maybe I just didn't have anything to write. But strangely, I came back here two days ago and your update is pretty much a mirror of my update.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I’d already decided to do my best to stick with my detachment in the face of this.
Good. It takes strength, but honestly, the alternative is begging or screaming.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I responded that I already figured that but thanks for finally being honest about at least part of this. Then he basically tried to preemptively stonewall me by saying that we need to talk when he’s back on Tuesday. I asked that he just text me whatever it is he feels we need to talk about it, because it’s more productive for me to process on my own before we try to talk. He refused and said “you can handle waiting”. It’s crazy how quickly he almost gets punitive with me when he knows he’s being a sh**, as I’d it’s me that’s done something wrong.
When you said "I already figured that" what were your intentions? I only ask because it sounds a little passive aggressive. Like an accusation "I knew you were lying all along.". It doesn't matter really - it is just an observation.
I am not sure why he is so insistent on talking about it face to face. Do you think it because he wants to discuss the implications on your daughter? If he is anything like my H, it would be better to have this meeting in public as you say, when he is challenged, he becomes punitive. Go into the session knowing what him seeing someone means for you and your daughter. Stand your ground and if he gets angry then just say I won't be spoken to this way. We can discuss again when you are calmer.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I’m a bit stunned I think, but my suspicions were already there and I already cried a lot about it on Saturday, so I feel a bit numb.
No matter how much we suspect (and I suspected a lot) the realisation that our suspicions are true still hits us. I cried when he told me a week ago, and I have been crying on and off ever since. If you read my update though, I am not crying because he is seeing someone else (the intense grief I would have felt two years ago) but quieter. The kind of crying you might do at a funeral for someone you once loved - no remorse/regret, just a goodbye. So, I guess, I am saying, this is natural. Allow yourself to grieve.
Hope, I can only tell you what I keep telling myself. You have had two years to become comfortable with being on your own. To work on rebuilding your life. This doesn't change any of that. On the contrary, it removes some of the uncertainty you've been feeling and it will allow you to let go. And this pain you feel, this sadness, it will pass. Don't focus on him. Focus on you. What does this 'truth' mean for you?. How can you use it to help you heal?.
Right now that devil that tells me I will be alone where he is not whispers constantly in my ear. It is up to me and me only to push that voice away.
