Wow, I am late to this, and it freaking s*cks, May. I didn’t want to read what I was reading. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Everyone has already given good advice, but I just... am mad at your H, because he’s still in his fantasy and apparently was never able to really let it go. And the fact that AP says she’s giving up kids for him feels totally unrealistic as well. Like that is totally going to implode at some point, and your H is still so far in his fantasy he’s unable to see it, and I can see what he’s potentially losing but he can’t. I almost, but not really, feel sorry for him. Because it’s so obvious he’s considering giving up something real and someone amazing for something temporary.
What is it with these Hs who refuse to leave? I think it’s more of the fantasy thinking. Ugh. To me, staying is the one choice I should have in all this—the one thing H should grant me. It’s like your H is so desperate to have his fantasy of you waiting, and if he leaves, maybe it feels like that’s slipping away.
I would just echo that you can take all the time you need to pause and listen to yourself. You must feel like you’re in flight or flight mode again, and the no sleep thing is killer. Take care of yourself. I am so grateful for every time you’ve been there for me. We are all here for you, may. Sending so many hugs. (((May)))
