a new normal

[may22]

OK, he just came home from the grocery store. Talked to her on the phone. She is willing to give up having children for the opportunity to be with him. (one of his three original reasons for ending the A-- the other two were doing what is best for the children (which we can still do S/Ded) and dealing with his mental health and anxiety, which couldn't go on at the time and he felt would just get worse before it gets better. Of course the other two reasons are still there but he's rationalizing them away.

He said he made no promises but it is clear he wants to go. He still wants my blessing. I said he can go but I won't be waiting for him... he said but you might still be there, right? I said I thought him leaving to be with AP was unforgivable and I would not want to be friends with him. He said he thinks I'm bluffing but is scared to call me on it.

I said, GO. He said he isn't going anywhere. He'll sleep in the office. He won't leave the house. He will consider moving to the basement but will need full access to upstairs, kitchen, etc. He said I can go if I don't want to live here. We went through a gross cycle of me pushing each other around with the assets and ended up back in the same place. He wants to have dinner together every night.

I really don't know what to do. If he is in a R with AP I honestly want him OUT OF THE HOUSE. He has nowhere to go. no good friends who would take his side on this. I want space and time and not have all his crap in my house. I can possibly see setting him up in the basement but it isn't very big, I don't see how we can get all his stuff down there and there isn't a full kitchen. He wants over the summer to wake up early to work, girls have distance learning from 8:30 - 11:30, he'd take them for the afternoons (hiking or whatever, but I imagine many days hanging out at the house during this COVID time). Can this possibly work? Can I really go completely silent with him still living here? I just don't understand how he can possibly think it is OK to still live here while having an affair!! (I guess b/c he already did it for two years!)

I don't think I can go through the same limbo as January. (Also I want to clarify something-- it is just now four months since he broke it off with AP, not five.) I can't wait around here and let him live under this roof and carry on a long distance affair with this person. But I don't know that I have a choice-- I looked into the legalities of this before and it just isn't possible.

Scout, there is a friend I could possibly go stay with and take the kids with me for a short time. I really don't want to leave this house though. I feel like it is just giving in. Maybe I need to look at why I feel that way. I feel like if he wants out of this M he should be the one to do the heavy lifting, not me.

Sage, she has been giving him ultimatums for the past year and a half. They broke up like 7 times because she "couldn't do this anymore" and then a few weeks or a month later they were back in touch. Yes, he's definitely freaked out that he thinks he might lose her forever... I don't think he ever really let her go in his heart or head during this whole time.