He is worried he is losing his chance at happiness. His emotional connection to her is as strong as ever (he says it never really went away, though he didn't think about her as much, but when he did it was strong).
He is spinning. He is totally freaked out that he is going to lose her, he said he never really let go of the idea that maybe they would work out in the end. He is worried that this is his one chance at being happy and he's been sad. Etc etc. That he had been trying but he doesn't know if he can anymore. He finally understands what betrayal feels like because of how he feels thinking about her being with someone else.
May, first of all to echo others, I’m sorry to read this update. They’re “trying” leaves a lot to be desired. My W is right where your H is at. You’ll be able to read about it in my next update.
I know how disappointed you must feel and you are questioning where to go from here. Take a deep breath and think through different scenarios. What can you live with? Which path is best for you?
Personally, I wouldn’t give him 6 months to find out if she’s the one he wants; however, my sitch is different because I’ve already lived through separation and my W being with 3 APs. I won’t stand for it anymore. If she walks out that door, she shouldn’t bother coming back. My life will move forward without her.
Your H’s clock has just reset to zero. That really [censored] after 5 months! A positive sign is that he came to you with the information and you didn’t have to discover his lies. A negative sign is that he still thinks he can have the fantasy of his AP and family life with you. That one chance at happiness is a devil for the WS to overcome, it keeps the addiction alive and well even during NC.
You remind a lot of Raine on this forum. Her H went through MLC for years. She suffered many setbacks as her H kept going back to the APs. Her patience was incredible, much like yours. I recommend that you read her sitch as it may give you some insight as to what to expect if you choose to continue with your H and ways to handle it. It will take a few days to get through it and give you some perspective before you decide what’s best for you.
Stay strong May, I’m sure you’ll make a wise decision.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
