DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[BlueSea]

Journal:

Saturday
-After a discussion on Friday night, where I asked for transparency (let me see accounts, etc) he seemed to want to sweep all this under the rug, I listened.
-Overnight really became pretty upset, so Saturday morning when he asked how I was, I pretty much let him have it
-Upset that he has minimized all what I went thru and the family
-I have to say, I let it all out - it was time he understood the pain and havoc he wrecked
-I let him know it was time he took it on the chin for once, I had alot of anger, and it all spewed out. Anyone over 40 is on a journey for happiness, did not give one the right to throw their loved ones under the bus.
-It was a 4 hour session that had me go from yelling, to him acknowledging, to us talking, to me crying, to us both sharing/setting expectations going forward on both sides - pretty cathartic on both sides I believe.

Sunday
- H is pretty engaged (focused more on the kids than me, but thats fine).
-Watched movie on the couch both Friday night and Saturday night with ds13
-Family online service this morning, followed by breakfast, and he invited all of us to his hometown for a trip at end of July, as well as a family trip to a theme park for July 4th

Strangeness.... as if it never happened, almost...but not really, its like when you burn toast and the smell is still in the air. I am full on suspicious, the rug could be pulled at any second. He has made it fully clear to me in our Sat discussion that he sees hope that we could work out, but, we are far from a good place.

He asked for time and space, I agree - but since we both have no idea how to move forward - a MC session for one hour a week would not hurt in lieu of any R talks between us. He was okay with that. Me too.

I want to cater to his MLC needs, but, at this point I want to recognize that I have needs, and start moving my name up the list. All these months have taken alot out of me, and part of the reason we got here is because I did not attend to myself and consider myself important enough to.