I admit, I miss my place to write out my thoughts. ANd i Have alot of them swirling through my head and I haven't been sleeping well lately.
My aunt ended up in my hospital again, from ICU to my floor and i saw her and my heart broke. She is dying. She went from my hospital to rehab back to my hospital hasn't been home. FInally, she is home on hospice care. The night before she came home I went to my cousin's and spent 3 hours with her and my uncle and my other cousin explaining, preparing, etc. My uncle couldn't stop crying. HE hadn't stopped crying for a week. It was so hard to see. She came home on Thursday and has had her good days and not so good days since. Taking someone home on hospice is the hardest thing. I just feel all their pain. ANd my nephew is turning a8 and they were so close, its sad to know he is having such a hard time. I've been doing my best ot give the support there.
Work is running me down, I have no idea how much I can last with 2 jobs. My other job wears me to the bone it has been so busy. I also hate when there is beautiful weekend weather and i am there. But I gotta do what I gotta do.
I am out 2K from my cruise arguing with the cruise line and the credit card company. It's been awful, and I don't think I am going to win. Long story, won't bore you, but it is comepletely unfair and I am ready to sue.
I hired a contractor to fix my stairs and mput in my patio. I am paying for the patio and my dad is paying for the stairs. I can't wait until it's done, the work starts in a week. The yard and house is so much maintenance but its a nice hobby but exhausting But I lvoe having my own outdoor space. I am tying from there as we speak.
I almost ended up spending the day with my ex yesterday at our neighbors pool. I was almost glad the pool was green and they didn't come. D12 invited her dad because it was his weekend and he was making a BBQ out of it. But it didn't happen. They dropped of my birthday gift yesterday when I was out. In t was a bottle of wine that was $40 . He told me something about it and that he had his friend chose a good one for me. It's so weird, I don't know where to begin.
I've really been changing my eating habits and sticking ot my diet. Yesterday was my 2nd cheat day, and I realized it isn't really so much fun to cheat when you are alone. I've been dropping the pounds and quit drinking during the week. In this area, I am really committed to changing. Outdoor dining does open up this week, But I will still stick to it.
I am still lonely as can be. Friends are still not hanging out. I realize I don't have so many who live close to me anymore.And the ones that do just aren't ready. ANd they have their families. I have no husband, no boyfriend,a nd I have ot give up my kid every other weekend. I have no other family, no brothers, no sisters, no one. My cousin, but her mom is home dying. The hardest part of being single is not having that extended family or the extra friends you do couple stuff with. It hurts alot. I looka t my friend's FB posts with her huge family and I wish they would adopt me. I long more for family than i do a BF. ANd I miss my ex BF because of his family and that time spent together.
It really, really stinks. I sometimes stillc an't believe this is what is in the cards for me. To just be so alone in the world. I am a good person, but I am so horribly alone. I keep myself awfully busy, but is really to distract from that emptiness and os I don't eat or drink to fill that void.
At least I got my doggo. He is always there, no matter what. Never leaves me, and is always happy to see me.
