may ~ I haven't checked in for awhile. So sorry to hear about this update.
Originally Posted by may22
Anyway, complete re-run of conversations we had in January. I asked what was different in his three reasons for ending the A from before. he said nothing... well, maybe she would be OK not having any children, because she wanted to be with him so badly she would be willing to give that up (I asked if they talked about this recently and he said no, it was from back before he ended it). Also, that he had been trying with me for the past five months and he still was in love with her. He also said the last couple of weeks he's felt uncomfortable about sex with me. I said I didn't consider what we had been doing for the last five months really trying... we barely talked about our R or the A until just a couple of weeks ago, and we haven't been seeing the MC. Those are two big, important parts of actually working on our R and seeing if it could work. We had major issues that needed to be dealt with and being together but not dealing with them was not actually "trying" in my book. But whatever.
He brought up several different times just how badly he'd screwed up, that he had hurt and betrayed me, that he didn't see how that was fixable, that I could forgive him or he could forgive himself. Before he went to sleep (in our bed... I'm sitting up here at 3 am) he asked if we could continue the conversation tomorrow. he talked a lot again about me being his best friend, him needing to talk to his best friend about this. He feels I've dismissed his feelings for AP and been like, just don't talk to her for awhile and you'll get over her, and that he doesn't know that he ever will/can. He asked me how this happened, how he could have started a two (now a two and a half) year affair. All the same things he was talking about last week... and now colored by the fact that they were back in contact at this point and he is again in total limerence, exacerbated by the fact that she slept with someone else and also that he might lose her forever.
It sounds like he's spinning (limerence?) from this renewed contact and you are going to hear him regurgitate the same garbage from 5 months ago. The more you can be completely detached *lovingly* (important) the better. "I'm sure these are hard feelings for you to sort out" followed by a non-passive-aggressive smile or something like that (IDK). Maybe he'll cycle out of it after awhile (?)
I vote that you cut off R talks when he brings this up. He'll do his whole schtick about how you need to truly understand his feelings for her blah blah blah. Maybe a simple: "I understand you have some feelings to sort out on your own".
Of course that is fuel for him to suggest you are cold, distant, etc. Ignore it. You can't control his perceptions. You are his W, not his sounding board to resolve his feelings about his AP. You already tried that once.
