Not too much to report. Had another gallbladder attack. That hurt. Left a feeling like a knife stabbing me for days after every time I moved. I noticed my wife came to ask how I was doing that time she's also been a little nicer in general last couple of days. She did also ask me about the surgery and took an interest in me for the first time in I don't know how long just before she asked for more financial help though so yeah. Who knows why maybe things aren't going as well with her new guys, maybe she got good news on the apartment. I'm really just not putting any emotion into anything these days. I've kinda been back in the rollercoaster, for a little bit there I felt okay was smiling most days and my mind drifted a little less. Last couple of days feel like maybe I'm sliding back into depression. But at least it's not denial.
I reached out to see what options I had on a refinance for the house to put it in my name. It may not be what I want but at the end of the day she wants out of here and I don't really feel like she will ever work through her stuff with her here. She blames me for every second she can't leave that I'm trapping her. As if I'm the one that made her make a life bonding decision to have this mortgage. In reality I was terrified of it because it wasn't really the house I wanted but it was a decision that had to happen in days due to financial restrictions at the time. At least for right now I want the house because it's more secure than any of my other options. So we will see how that goes I suppose. if she ever does come around at least our home will still be here waiting maybe. I feel kinda like I need to have some sort of control on something for myself. Maybe knowing that this house is mine will help, although I'd still need to get a seperation agreement in writing that it will stay that way. Otherwise at the end of the day I'm just helping her get everything she wants while she gets to hang onto the financial interest in the future.
