I'll address the paragraph directed at me. Yes, our H's are very alike. Both walled up overthinking bags of shame and guilt. And so many many insecurities. But they are also different. Yours needs your forgiveness. Mine, well mine keeps the need for forgiveness somewhere deep down in his psyche where the light don't shine. Mine protects his ego by making me the villain. Yours knows his the villain and wants you to forgive him for it. Either way, their ego's remain protected, and ours, well ours don't even get a look in.
But I think your question was if you force an ultimatum and he moves out do I think he will come back?. Yes, I think he will. Because he knows if he only says sorry enough and uses the right words, then you will take him back. Coming back for my H would be humbling, coming back for your H (he thinks) will only require tears and words. I'm not saying those tears won't be genuine, they will be, and the words will be deeply felt. I will caveat that statement. Him coming back will require the OW cutting him off.
May, he will do what he will do irrespective of what action you take. Addictions are like that. The question you have to ask yourself isn't should I kick him out or not but what am I standing for ?
Have you ever honestly looked at your M, your H or have you been too busy trying to save your M, fix your H?
