Upon my return I asked my sons if their mom contacted them about mass. S21 replied that she did but he told her “No thanks”. When I asked him why he said that he was tired of participating in her charade of acting like we are still a normal happy family. I just said ok, figured it’s up to them to work out this current dynamic with her.
Good on S21. And good for you. Yes, it’s their relationship. Where it goes it up to Mom and son. Your job is just to not destroy it.
Glad to see S21 was cordial and polite, probably somewhat indifferent I suspect. A simple and direct “no thanks”. That’s very good.
Did S19 go to mass with Mom?
If you would have been in town, would you have gone? If so, would you have expected the boys to attend?
You know S21’s current feelings about propping up a charade. Ensure you acknowledge and validate his feelings.
For what it’s worth: Ok, so your not a normal and happy family. S21 is most likely getting closer to the acceptance of things, and depressive thoughts and feelings do arise. However, not normal and happy family doesn’t preclude happy family. And by the way, what is normal anyhow. Your family is normal!!! Your feelings are normal!!!
Those are the lessons and guidance which is upon your shoulders to inspire and demonstrate to your boys. Their happiness is not defined by their ideals of a normal family. Your happiness isn’t defined by that either. You and they - be happy together. Be normal together. Be a family. Eat meals, laugh at jokes, have birthday parties, watch TV, go on vacations, ride rollercoasters, fix cars, etc... Normalize their lives and your’s.
Just passing to you some lessons I learnt along the path.
One particularly difficult lesson was it’s ok to still have fun and be happy. It’s ok to let go. It’s good to see your son wanting to live authentic and not act. It’s a good path to walk. Better not bitter.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
