Thank you may & Sage. Sage, thank you for that story about the single mom. Few days ago I went out with some close friends (who don't know about my sitch), and one friend was talking about a young celebrity and commented that "she came from a single-parent family, so of course she grew up to by dysfunctional." Ouch. That stung me a bit. And that's my fear of laying my sitch out in the open - not how people perceive me, but how people would talk about my children. Would my children be perceived as "less than" because they come from a broken family? Gosh, I don't even like using the term "broken family" because I know some M are inherently broken even thought they remain in the M.
H is still the same. He'll show up for a few hours, then he will say "I have to go." He said he's been waking up at 3, 4 am everyday. and yup, taking sips from his whiskey bottle that he puts in his backpack. no more R/D/money talk lately. I've been friendly.
recently I recalled in the beginning of our sitch he told me, "You deserve better." At the time I started crying when he said this to me, because I felt that his perception of self-worth is so low that it was heartbreaking. Now I think back to that moment, and I'd like to say to him "You are right, I do deserve better."
So coming here feels a bit paradoxical to me lately. Do I still want to save my M? For now I am giving the M an arbitrary deadline of when my lease is up again next year. I'd like to move closer to school. I'd like my own space.
Well obviously my "positive envisioning" of the future did not last long. lol. I do not foresee any future with him if he's still his broken self. I wish him well.
