Hi, Kind. Thanks for your words here! It’s funny—in the past in some ways I was more confrontational. I would have wanted to talk about things. I wouldn’t have been quiet. I do need to think about whether the only reason I am not doing something is because I’m worried about how he’ll react. I’m feeling more emotional and on edge right now, not so much because H has done anything this week, but because of the BD anniversary and some current work/pandemic stress, and I don’t want to react out of fear or anger either. If I was ready to ask him to leave, I imagine I would want to feel absolutely calm and resolute. I’m not there yet. And, yeah, ideally I want to have a better job so that I can also feel independent and I am more prepared for the financial ramifications too. Those two things are for me.
When I can detach more from the situation, there is also something appealing to me about not affecting his path, about letting him have all responsibility for any action or inaction.
I’m feeling more and more like I’m riding a wave here, kind of like when we entered stay-at-home and I had to adjust to having H at home. Sit still and the answers will come—maybe that’s what I need.
