Standing vs standing still

[may22]

Hi FS,

I've been thinking of you so much throughout all of this. I am glad you are doing OK-- I think you're doing amazingly well.

I think it highlighted how lonely I've been feeling. But it wasn't me spinning with images of he's doing/saying to her in the same way that I use to feel when this first happened and I would imagine him finding someone.

I think this is a really big change. I know for myself while I still think about the A and my H with AP, it no longer has that spinning, helpless gut-punching feeling... just an acknowledgment that it happened. At least for me, being able to separate the emotional pain from the thoughts was a big step. Though it is still there.

In terms of the loneliness... I think it is also healthy and positive that you can recognize that, and separate those feelings from missing your H (or not as the case may be). Looking forward to hearing the outcomes of the online dating. I also wonder if you can step up the virtual connections with your family and friends who are far away... I have found that the lockdown is making those things easier than they would have been before, lots of old friends connecting over cocktails, even with pretty significant time changes (mimosas for some and cocktail hours for others!) We've been zooming much more frequently with family who are far away, partially for the kids to connect with their grandparents and cousins, but the result is I've found myself texting and talking on the phone much more frequently than before with my brother and my dad (generally I mostly talked with my mom and my dad was there in the background). Also, more text threads with groups of friends... anyway, I just wonder if there are ways to nurture those human connections right now.

And you know there are lots of people here who care about you and always up for listening and thinking through things with you! xx