Completely lost, where am I?

[TheTexan]

Texan, a few things. Not sure why the read was so tough. Again the author insists the LBH really get tough in order to have a chance at R. Very Sandi like in that advice. Anyway, I won't belabor this but surprised you found it that difficult

What was so hard was that it made it all seem like 100% biology. That she just wasn't made to be monogamous and there was nothing I could do to fight it. It made me feel that by trying to keep her in the M was like forcing her to be something that she isn't. It made me feel like I was being cruel to try and make this work and that I should just let her go.

As far as the touching, google "touch charges". It is something I employed in my sitch. One word of advice, they need to be subtle. Like lightly touching her lower back as you have to squeeze behind her in the kitchen. Stuff like that. While you're there look into "talk charges" too. They are also a way to start reconnecting subtlety.

I did find a site that went over what those were and gave 50 examples. It seems I have already been doing some of them, but I will try a few more. Thanks for giving me the correct term to search for.

As far as the finding someone new. Yep, had same urges. "I am a good looking guy, in shape unlike most guys my age, and make good money! This is my chance at a new start!" But the problem with this approach is that without taking the time to learn and grow you will look back in 5 years and realize you got yourself into the same kind of situation with someone new! Those that do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Plus there is the moral side too. A wring doesn't make a right. If you are going to leave your W do it because you can't trust her again and for what she did. LBSs that wait until they find someone new and then pull the plug with their cheating spouse are just as guilty of cheating themselves! Do it right, D your W, and then after you've had time on your own to deal with everything, go find someone new. Otherwise you're trying to put a bandaid on a severed limb, and that never works.

Yeah that is the petty, vindictive part of me talking. I don't intend on doing it that way. Not just for moral reasons though (although that IS part of it), but there are also financial considerations. Right now she is the one that had the A and it gives me grounds to deny any request for alimony she may try to make. If I also cheated then it gives her more power if it does come to divorce. Of course I also don't want to feel like I am using someone else to have revenge sex with either. That isn't fair to them.