Gerda - some amount of rumination is normal. But, it’s important we set a hard stop timer on our visit to Rumination-ville so as not to get lost in the past.

Personally, I think anyone who dynamites his/her life in this fashion was always fighting some battle that would require him/her to find an affair partner to use to grow up in a proper fashion. Healthy people with strong coping skills don’t emotionally self detonate in this fashion. They bob and weave and cross those choppy waters. Look around you at all the people who are 55+ without this self induced chaos.

Let’s say all the markers were there for both of us and we missed every single one. Let’s work on forgiving ourselves; healing and ensuring our kids do have strong coping skills.

As we increase out time on the things we can impact we will grow stronger and we won’t repeat these mistakes.

You are strong.❤️

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced