Turning lots of corners - DaB35 Part 8

[DaB35]

Dab, what would tell her you've moved on more? Sending the text or not sending the text?

I see why that would be a very good stance to take. I agree not reaching out whatsoever reminds her that I'm no longer there (her choice, not mine) and I'm not a Plan B. It shows strength on my part to do such a thing: she chose to end the M, sell the house and make us both financially worse off for the next few years, and she chose D. As a result, I've done so much work that she and many others are unaware of, and my not contacting her at all would speak volumes and show her that's what the consequence of her choice is.

I have expressed regret at my weakness during the start of the S and D process. Reading on here the simple stance of "I don't want a D but if that's what you want I won't stand in your way, but I won't help you" was eye-opening. I sometimes wonder what could have happened differently had I possessed more courage and confidence in general and been a bit more alpha.

I still maintain that she was pushed and coerced into doing this by others because she was, understandably, totally shaken by everything. It was like she got PTSD, and I hate that I caused that. I have the remorse and it'll be locked up in a little corner of my brain for evermore. I was in the wrong but I've owned it all, and identified where I slipped up, the traits I carried that exacerbated my problems, and what I had expected from a relationship.

I don’t see much harm putting out a tiny opening/feeler after three months of NC if no immediate response wouldn’t cause you to spin. It gives her an excuse to respond now or on the next major holiday. I would examine your motives—e.g., are you holding out for love, or would you accept friendship now?

Conversely, I also agree with this, along with the caveat!

Motive - I have not thought about it further than 'I hope she has a nice birthday'.
I just feel it would be a pleasant thing to do. Keep it as short as possible. No update on me and what I’m up to, simply “Happy Birthday. Have a lovely day.” No kisses, no emojis, nothing more.

I haven't thought "maybe she'll miss me and ask to talk". I guess it’s to show her that I’m cool with being friends. After all, she made a big thing of saying that’s what she wants, that she cares about me a lot, and a friendship would mean a lot to her. Having said that, she hasn’t contacted me at all – but then it’s only been 3 months since D was made official, so I get that. I don’t know if others have again twisted her arm into simply cutting me out of her life completely. The positive thing is I have not thought about that until I’ve just typed this post! So I guess that means I feel detached if it hasn’t been in my head swirling around. That’s where the confusion comes I think.  

Either way, whatever I do will result in a long conversation between XW and her sister/mum. They will go round and round on the subject, repeating themselves for at least an hour, then come to a conclusion they reached after 5 minutes.

It doesn’t bother me what others say about me now - they are unaware of Me v.2.0, so I know whatever preconceptions they hold of me are wrong.

GAL-wise - I'm up to 20x3 press-ups a day now! Still managing about 30-45mins each time, and I combine it with a bit of yoga too. This week today is my day off. Also started a Youtube channel this week about my creative project work. A big thing would be that I'll force myself to film myself talking to the camera discussing my interests. With my newfound confidence, this will be a major step forward for me to do such a thin, not to mention putting it out on Facebook for my friends to see.