Sounds like you were going through a rough time. I totally understand how little things can still be triggering, even when you know it's over. There's that quote I posted (which I can't remember if it was on your thread or not) about knowing it's over, but from time to time, still missing the person. That's OK. And it's natural. Davide (I don't think he posts anymore) use to say something similar about his brother who passed away when they were both very young. His brother is gone, he knows that, but it still hurts sometimes and he still misses him.
Plus, any loneliness and isolation (and everyone feels isolated and lonely from time to time) is so magnified because of lock down. We don't have our usual distractions, so are left with too many hours living in our heads. Remember, this too will pass. We are simply in a holding pattern.
I am sorry I have not been here for you. If we were allowed to exchange numbers I would. But I understand that why we aren't.
Keep your head up.
Plus, there's a new Hanna Gasby special on netflix (i thought of you whilst I watched it)
