I can't say I know what it feels like to go through piecing, but I know what it feels like when you're with in a room with someone and the air feels so thick its stifling. That is exactly what it feels like with my H. I go from chatty smiley FS to emotionless robot in a blink of an eye. I am sure he feels the same. There is simply no energy in the room.
That lack of energy is because your both holding so much in. Fear of rejection, fear of saying the wrong things, fear of accusations, fear of revealing too much. It is easy to talk to strangers - everything is new and interesting. But when you've known someone for a long time, and one or the other feels betrayal (and I would go so far as to say that, rightly or wrongly, you both feel betrayed by the other) then it gets tough. Even talking about the weather becomes nuanced.
I don't know what the answer is and like Dilly I can only offer compassion and virtual hugs.
Do you feel that his attempt at reconciliation is genuine, or is it driven by other reasons (fear of being alone, impact on the children, financial considerations)?
Do you feel your attempt at reconciliation is genuine, or is it driven by other reasons (fear of being alone, impact on the children, financial considerations)?
Listen to your inner voice (even if that voice needs some help being heard via your IC) - your inner voice knows much more than you think it knows.
