I am really starting to feel the isolation of lock down now. My family is on the other side of the world and (pre break-up) my H's family had more or less adopted me. Slowly, I have been removed from the family circle so I have had little or no contact with them during this time. There isn't any malice in it, just a natural moving away but it's more evident now that we are in lockdown. The kids and H frequently facetimed his wider family, and now, that lockdown is easing, they visit with his parents. I hear the girls talking about my MIL or my niece, and it's just not something I can really join in on now. Sure I can say "That's great" or "Let's make a cake for nanny for when you go visit" but I can't really join in .
My relationship with D13 is a bit like a roller coaster ride. She no longer flat out ignores me, but she isn't really talking to me. So she is OK to be in the room with me, but not really to engage with me. I keep soldiering on though.
D13 is desperate to become a model. I have contacted a few agencies and the response has been fairly positive. A few are keen to have her on their books but they all have registration/subscription fees. I was keeping MIL and H informed of the progress, i.e forwarding emails from agencies to them, but for each one, as long as a fee was mentioned, they were sure it was a scam and that I was getting D13's hopes up. I can't really win. I sent out a wide net, and for those that respond, I have reviewed their terms and conditions as well as reviews online etc and then decide whether it's a scam or not. I am pretty sure MIL and H think that they will market her for free purely on the basis that she is beautiful.
After a more than normally tense time with D13 the other day, H came over to visit and asked to 'have a word'. I assumed it was about D13 (she had been crying a lot in her room) and he told me he was seeing someone and was going to tell the girls. I just said "ok" and walked away. I had suspected as much as I had caught him out in some lies over the last few months (I think he's been going to see her on weekends) so it wasn't a total shock. Timing wasn't great because of D13 though. It confirmed my suspicions and (like Dilly looking at her H's purchases in the bank statements) I felt a flash of anger at the lying and the timing.
The girls have been with him since monday (and he told me when he came to pick them up monday) and they haven't said anything to me so I am unsure if they know, and aren't saying, or if he lost his courage and hasn't told them.
In any case, he looks miserable when he comes around. Where once he strutted around the house like it was still his home, now he sits on the stairs in the hall and looks uncomfortable and like he would rather be anywhere else.
I was a little shocked and my appetite has gone again and I haven't been sleeping well (this could be unrelated because the insomnia started before he told me), but over all I am fine. I think it was hard for him to finally say that he is seeing someone and is ready to introduce them to the girls because, more than talking about selling the house, more than talking about splitting assets and formalising childcare, telling the girls he has met someone is very very final. It is also the first time he has admitted he has been dating (even though we all knew he was) because somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he always wanted to keep me as a plan B. Again, I am OK. A little more lonely than I was at the beginning of the week, but that has as much to do with lockdown than with him saying he is in a relationship.
It did motivate me to try online dating again. I have decided to up my age range and state very clearly that I am looking to build a lasting connection so hopefully this time round, it won't just be men in their 20's trying to connect with me (as well toned and distracting as they were).
Anyway, that's my update.
I'll try and catch up on a few of your threads tonight.
