It’s good you recognize your feelings in all this. And how they can and do change rather quickly. Keep your focus and reason, and look to your convictions, your beliefs. By the way, you are influencing, altering, and strengthening those beliefs right now. Think and act how and what you want to believe.
Sounds like you’ve let H’s words get inside your head a bit much. We all do it. It’s necessary to understand to a certain amount so one can let go and move forward.
You are correct, you cannot control his narrative. However, does he spell out his entitlement, the whole he is choosing if you stay or go? Or are you filling in the blanks a bit? Either way - stop! Find that mental assertiveness.
Compassion for H and others grows from compassion for yourself. Cut yourself some slack and be kind; she’s had a tough ride and come a long way.
I would put your path around the depression stage currently. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Of course various facets are at various places, however the feelings of depression do spring up “suddenly”. It’s a good and healthy and needed experience. It’s a bit dark and sad, well it is depression. This is where you come to emotional terms with your loss and find acceptance. Stick to your path and values. Keep compassion and indifferent. Choose better not bitter.
One year anniversary of BD is bound to stir up some emotions and cause one to look at where they are. It’s ok and perfectly normal.
You are doing fine. Still living with H, no divorce, and a year into it. Be the roommate. Focus on you. H will not respond to normal other relationship solutions, MLC is a different animal. It’s counterintuitive; you are doing the right things.
One day at a time. Be cardinal. Let go. Acceptance is coming. Be patient.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
