Not willing to quit

[AndrewP]

Hey Turbine - Hope that your tests all come out clear.

Yeah... still wanting to R with her. Not as much but definitely not interested in a replacement. Just want her. Not sure how messed up that is... or even if that is normal.

That's very healthy and completely normal for someone who has gone through what we have. And you'll never replace her. Maybe on some distant date someone may come in to your life but that will be new and not a replacement.

It's normal to do that little kid's wish "please make it not have happened" and to want what you had as your normal.

Take as much time as you need to process through this so that no matter what your path, you come out of this stronger and more whole than you are now.

You are not the man you were when you met your W on deployment. You have grown, matured and are in a different place in your life. I look at it for me as a new path in my journey. If you do have someone to walk beside you, it needs to be the person for today's and tomorrow's Turbine, not yesterday's.

I've been using a CPAP for about a week. First time I used it was at the kids. Daughter said I didn't snore and usually am very loud. She was worried and had to check that I was breathing. Does take a little getting used to. Exhaling against the pressure more than the mask.

I've been using a CPAP for many years. I consider it to literally be a life-saver. You'll find that you had no concept of how tired you have been all the time for so very long once you get caught up on some "good" sleep and those fatigue poisons that have been accumulating in your body get all washed out.

Making sure you use it and are comfortable with it is the biggest challenge. But like a catalytic converter on a car (I have crappy analogies) your engine will run more smoothly with it than without it.

As a funny-to-me aside, my ex-wife used to joke that she would know exactly when the power would go out in our rural area because my machine would stop working and I'd start snoring loudly again.