So you are basing this red pill blue pill theory on the fact that she made out with OM but hasn't made out with you in 15 years?
Wow. That's thin.
If you took a poll of married couples married for 15+ years. What percentage of them would say they made-out in the last 15 years? My guess? The % of couples that said they had not made out in 15+ years would be in the high 90s. That means a lot of married couples are living a lie based on the "make out" litmus test.
You are over-analyzing things. And I also think you are a bit naive about how R work. Making out is a early R phase thing. Making out is something you do with a person you are all hot for but that you are not having sex with yet. It is a build-up. And sometimes it is a tool for foreplay. So the lower % of couples that would answer yes to that, on cross-examination would probably admit that their make-out sessions led to sex.
Maybe. How many married couples don't even kiss DURING sex though? I am not joking or exaggerating. We have not kissed DURING sex in 15 years. This is not because I don't want to or haven't tried to. She actively blocks it. She gives me a quick kiss goodnight or when she is leaving to go somewhere, that is the complete extent of the affection she has shown in 15 years. Again I agree affection is going to drop off after 15 years, but it dropped off for us after maybe 2 years and has been at rock bottom for the last 15 years. How many couples married for only 2 years are in that boat?
Still think it's thin?
Originally Posted by Steve85
What you are doing is you are trying to reason in your mind how your W could have become this WW, cheating W. And the answer is probably a lot more simple than your entire marriage being a sham. These things are complex. LH likes to point out how unhappy 40-49 year-old adults are. And it makes sense too. Most people get married in their early to mid 20s. Have a couple of kids by time they are 30. By time they are 45 their kids are grown, moving out of the house, and the identity people knew leading up to that point is no longer the same. Am I a parent? A spouse? Am I ready for an empty nest? Is the person I've spent the last 20 years with still the person I fell in love with and married? What am I doing with the rest of my life? I am probably half way through my life, what am I going to do with the rest of it?
So your W's issues that have led you here may or may not have anything to do wtih you! You could have been a stepford husband, perfect in every way, and she may still have decided to step out on the marriage.
You are of course correct. It could also be her hormones changing, a MLC, or combination of both or a combo of everything you mentioned as well. She has told the MC that even she has no idea why.
Originally Posted by Steve85
What I can tell you, is that the people that look back instead of forward are the ones that remain stuck where they are the longest. The Texan, my concern isn't that you will take the blue pill. Or the red pill. My concern is that you will sit looking at both of those pills trying to decide which one to take for the foreseeable future.
I understand and agree that we should be focusing on the future and moving forward. Again, I am just posting my thoughts. I do not plan on making any final decisions until at least the birth of my granddaughter (expected September 10th). Regardless of anything else that may be going on, I would like my family to be together for that. Who knows, since us not having a child was big part of what drove us apart, maybe loving this new grand child will bring us back together. I'm not going to count on it or expect it, but we will see what impact this has on us. I will say this though, every time my W mentions the future as it relates to the baby, she and I are always in what she says together. She has chosen "Loli" for her grandma name and she has taken to calling me "Popi". She is always saying things like "Loli and Popi are going to X." or "At Loli and Popi's house, we will always have Y." It's always us together, never just "Loli". Not sure if that means anything or not. At the very least (at least subconsciously) she still sees me in her future.
As an aside, we may need to find a new MC since she seems to be focusing more on the past instead of the future and finding solutions or a path forward. The odd thing is the MC was the one that referred me to this site, and twice claimed to be actual friends with MWD and said that she used the same principles when I asked last week. Yet after 2 sessions not one goal has been set, and the only tasks to work on we were given was for me to come here and post and my wife to make a journal and track her steps of grief. We have our third appointment on Friday. It may be our last with this MC.
