Hey Ben, for the longest time after S I felt like my only way forward in life was to recon. It was either that or it was all over, I would just limp along for my remaining days until I died lonely, sorry and broken. That was when I was in the fog. When I came out of the fog I started remembering that my XW wasn't the only one that hadn't been happy for a long time. I wasn't either, but I think the difference is she blamed me (or really "us") and I blamed my own state-of-mind. I wasn't happy not because of her, but because I was focusing on all the negative things in my life and letting them bring me low. And now I don't. I still have PLENTY of things that go wrong, but I deal with them and instead of letting them wreck my day I remind myself of all the great stuff in my life too. And I think you've done that too, despite your W leaving and Covid messing with your job you are positive and upbeat, and that's really great to see!
But circling back around to the above, eventually when I "freed myself" I realized I didn't want to recon with my XW because everything was so great before, I wanted to because it would put things back to "normal". And also there was a bit of the need to "win". I mean S and especially D can feel like a loss, so recon would be a win because it would be "proof" that I am worth keeping after all. And when I isolated that particular thought, I realized my whole struggle wasn't S and D, it was with who I was as a person and where my happiness was coming from. Right?
My point is this- at the end of the day you have to really ask yourself why you would even want to continue to have her in your life. What is she bringing to the table? It sounds like very little. I don't think she wants to recon, I think she's bored and you are available so she ties you up to stave off boredom and to keep you from moving on. I wouldn't bother to ask her what she is looking for because almost assuredly she still doesn't know.
If you are OK with being in the friendzone with her then that's fine. But if you are still attached to her and hoping for recon, then your best chance at that would be to stop the friendzone stuff immediately. Don't have a talk with her, just go NC in your actions. It's the only way she will go on the journey of self-exploration that she needs to go on to grow and mature and become ready for a relationship again.
