Still married couple from Scandinavia Part 2

[BenB]

Hi Steve,

Thank you for the advice but I have to be able to tell you when I disagree with something. And I will push back until I am convinced otherwise. I hope that makes sense?

The only time I've basically said put DB aside is when we thought she had cancer. The way you read my posts simplifies what I say and I get that the information I give you is bits and pieces and not always the whole story. So completely understand how you would see it that way. I will re read my thread as well and see if I have missed clarifying certain things.

I do not agree the things I am saying aren't congruent but I know you and I have had our disagreements in the past on others things, similar to this. Us staying in touch after finding out the lump was benign was in no way "not DB:ing". For example, she would come over and pick up one of her boxes and move it to the other apartment, I could see how she uses those boxes as an excuse to contact me but there is nothing I could do about that. For weeks or even months, she would come over and pick up something small and stay and talk for a while. Even to this date, I am yet to contact her for any reason except for maybe a letter she has received in the mail. I have at no point suggested to meet up to do something. I have, however, accepted invitations to meet her at times and I have also declined multiple invitations to meet her.

What exactly do you feel would be the DB way of doing the above instead?

What I said was that if you really had no urge to get back together than the finalizing of D envelope would already been sent.

Ok, I understand but the word "urge" seems a bit strong to me but perhaps that is because English is a third language for me. No, now that I am seeing this side of her I am hesitating to send those in. Again, a bit too strong to say I expect some miracle turn around. If you have followed my thread and remember, it was after AS suggested that can wait that I decided to do that. That should hardly imply I expect a miracle turn around, don't you agree?

The only non DB thing that has been suggested her is to talk to her and I just wanted to listen to what everyone thinks about that. The way you write this

"she is showing interest, I can stop DBing!"

tells me that you think I've just forgot about the principles completely and let go. That is not the case. I haven't stopped DBing in every way. That simplifies what I say a lot. I am not planning on pursuing, I am not planning on courting her or showing any interest. A conversation would her could even be a statement from me, reminding her we can't keep hanging out like buddies.

I am and will be very skeptic. This is my life, and the pain I endured for that long, I don't take that lightly. I don't plan on foolishly running back to her arms because she shows some interest.

But I get why it would be perceived that way. And btw I appreciate the advice on setting a date for finalizing. That's not a bad idea.