One more thought before I close. During this time, you may want reassurance that your relationship with friends and in-laws won't change. I encourage you to not press it right now. Her folks may feel bombed shocked, and may be totally disgusted with her, but at the end of the day......they are "her" family. They may not support her decision, but they are her blood. So, just give them some room and time to digest some this rotten mess. It's horrible for everyone. I realize you want to keep things like they were, but I've read lots of stories where it caused more problems for everyone in the end (usually due to the WW's jealousy). Make sense?
Yes, tell the kids together.......unless you are fine with her telling them this is a decision that both of you have made (to divorce), b/c that's how she'll present it. As for telling the parents together? I can't help but think that you are in denial about how this is going to play out, should it come to that point. Plus, I'm wondering why you are so quick to accept being one of her friends on the side, if you can't be her husband. Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but do you see the two of you spending time together, once she's divorced you? For instance, having dinner together and watching a little TV? Do you see the entire family hanging out together, after a divorce? I'm not suggesting you become enemies. I'm just trying to see from your point of view.
I understand what your saying Sandi and your right I may be causing more problems by reaching out to them but I don't really have anyone else to reach out to. I do my best not to talk about us when I see our family or friends its not about that anymore I just want somewhere to feel good for a minute, to have a normal conversation. I also know that eventually I will lose "her" family there will probably be no getting around that in the long run. I know that without being told but I guess for right now in this moment I just want to cherish what little time I have left with them. Everyday it feels like that time is going to be less and less. I've known these people since I have 14 years old its hard to just not have them anymore. Especially her little brother and sister they were only 2 weeks and 9 months old respectively when I met them. They don't even know a world without me and they will always be like blood to me. It hurts so much to know there will be a time where I never see them again.
I'm not sure what life will be like after this if that is where it goes. I want my wife to be my wife of course but I'm not sure that I want her gone from me forever either. Being her friend isn't something I would hate, its just something I'm not sure I can tolerate even with time. That doesn't mean part of mean doesn't want that as a last resort though. That may change I dont know. This is a time of great uncertainty for me more so than ever before.
