LH - is that the norm - that he will start to back away? Thanks for the heads-up. Hopefully I know enough by now not to go pursuing him if he does start to retreat.
People generally want what they perceive can't have. When he thought you were interested in another guy he had to have you back. At some point he is likely to have in essence "buyer's remorse". The phenomenon of buyer's remorse has been generally associated with the psychological theory of cognitive dissonance, a state of psychological discomfort when at least two elements of cognition are in opposition, and which motivates the person to appease it by changing how they think about the situation. Buyer's remorse is an example of post-decision dissonance, where a person is stressed by a made decision and seeks to decrease their discomfort. This may cause him to back peddle. At some point he will probably say now that I got her back is this what I really want going forward. You will likely have the same feelings. Probably after the honeymoon phase. Just be aware of it.
Originally Posted by Pommy99
I feel remarkably relaxed about taking things slowly, whereas before it would have been a case of getting him back home quickly before he changes his mind!
This is great!
Originally Posted by Pommy99
I really feel like I have completely taken the pressure and expectation off H and he is responding in a positive way. I'm not pushing conversations about him moving home, I'm not starting R discussions, I'm not asking to see him every day. Baby steps is the right pace right now.
This is great!
If you engage in a relationship with him again it should only be under the conditions that:
1) He sees you as someone of extremely high value 2) He views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) He's willing to work to win you
Without those three things, he's going to walk again down the line, because he really doesn't have the motivation to work with you to change anything, your relationship will keep seeking the same equilibrium it has had because of how your personalities and issues come together.
