Hi guys, Thanks so much of your words, feels great to have people who have understanding of the relationship dynamics in my corner!
Approach that you outlined was the one I thought to be right in my head as well, but boy my feelings got me there. It´s so funny to realize how my system still works I see. Our relationship has been a textbook example of Coach book so to say, her initiating majority of the contact and me setting the dates. It´s been really easy for me as well since I lead pretty full life around kids, my own projects and work. Naturally I have showed affection towards my gf and we have shared super nice moments. I even remember thinking a month ago if I actually even want to settle yet...
But in a moment I found out about the neighbor interested in her some old familiar fears of rejection came on. And it´s not that I´m surprised other guys are interested in her, she is beautiful and has a good energy. I know very well that pure love is free and based on giving, not getting. Still these needy feelings of mine got me off guard. Since my divorce through my healing process I have said to all my friends that I have learned to tolerate uncertainty (was not my strong side before), but it´s very interesting to see how I still have work to do there. It´s interesting to notice how I want to proceed so much faster now with my gf and even would like to lock her up with some kind of commitment. All driven by my fears and intolerance of uncertainty. Thankfully I came to the board with my needy thoughts and feelings to gain some clarity.
This is the first time in my new relationship having these feelings of jealousy and maybe this is particularly difficult with me now, since I experienced so strong feelings of rejection in my divorce.
Kml:
Originally Posted by kml
Now - all that being said - you've only been dating 9 months and she already is complaining that seeing you twice a week isn't enough? Is that because you're not a good communicator the rest of the time? Do you text or call her most days? Or is contact limited to around your dates? Have you been to her new home? (Or is she - wisely - keeping her dates separate from her daughter?) Do you make an effort to show her that she is special to you?
Maybe I have been a bit too much of a cold fish when we don´t see each other at her home, at mine or somewhere else once a week in average. She always says we have a great connection when we meet in person. She is really much around the scene of conscious relationships and emotional connection. But that she feels is that we are quite distant the rest of the time. I think we call and text enough, but her need in connection is stronger than mine. I have since tried to open up more also via phone, but trying not to come from a place of neediness since I don´t want to give her a feeling I´m just opening up because of competition, even though it has been a big reason for me - autch - still have work to do in projecting confidence.
L: Thanks, I also remember you and your brilliant, concise and confident comments! Life really goes on and amazing how much have I learned so far:) Probably testing yes, but the idea of gf who feels I´m distant spending time with romantically interested neighbor is not nice.
Originally Posted by LH19
Ks right. If she goes for him then she wasn’t the right one for you.
This is so true. I´m just a bit confused with this new situation and my emotional, fearful reaction towards it. I need to practice in tolerating uncertainty and be that safe, stable confident guy that she feels safe with.
Thanks again of your thoughts, without them I would have certainly expressed my concern about the neighbor, the feelings were so strong! Now I´m going to meet him in person instead one of these days and see what kind of guy he is all about.
